The memory of my father ~ 1930 - 2001

Six years ago, in lunar calender, my father died. I was getting a phone call from my mother, saying that he was died during sleeping. I was shock, but yet still could hold my emotion.

The ceremony had started once we got back to Ipoh. I saw many relatives, including my mother. She did not cry. I was emotionless when I saw my father lying in the coffin. I did not know how to describe my feeling at that moment. My relationship with my father was not good. However, losing a person in the family was really sad. I cried without any reason, since he was father.

Thinking back the childhood was a unforgettable time for me, in which those experience that I encounter in the past really influence me a lot today. I always wonder why I could not be so close with my father as my other friends did. Even the relationship between me and my brother was also as cold as ice. I always wonder why I was put into this family, in which each of us seems to be stranger.

There were many unhappy incident happened in the family. Everyone of us, seems wanted to flee from the home and went to other places. My parents really fight and argue when I was in primary school. It came to a point where they merely divorce. On the little age, I really realize that some marriage could not be last forever and not all marriage will have happy ending.

Other relative look down at my family due to many issue that occurred. It was hard at that time. I suddenly found that, there will be no one to believe except yourself.

Actually to me, I have difficulty in communicate with people, I feel scared when dealing with people, and actually no confidence in marriage.

Old time have passed. That is nothing that I want to blame or accused. Everyone in the world make mistake, it is just depend how you look though it. There are still many things that I need to deal with in the future, especially the communication skills.